August 16, 2006

This morning I suggested to Gary that he try out the tip of the OT here for getting his pants on up to his thighs by using the bed controls to raise the upper part of the bed and then getting his foot over the opposite leg to work the pants up. Her advice worked pretty good! And he was even doing it with the dockers, not the sleep pants (since he wanted to look “nice” for school).

Later in the morning, Gary noted we've definitely gotten better at our morning routine, having cut off a couple hours from it from that time we were in the TLA apartment. :-)

Shortly after noon, we headed for the university – Gary would keep his word that he'd be on campus for the first day of classes. We thought that it might be fairly simple to get around campus at that time (our theory being that people would be off-campus, out to lunch) – we were wrong. It didn't help that Gary wanted to stop at a fast-food place near campus first, and we ended up having to make nearly all left turns after that. I haven't driven through campus in years, and I have the following observtion: left-turn signals are needed!

We got lucky with the parking, though – at least, I thought so, having been afraid I'd have to help Gary out of the car and then park blocks away. We ended up in a spot not all that far from the ramp Gary needed to enter the math building by, and in fact the parking place was an end spot so there was extra room for Gary to transfer out of the car. Once we get that handicapped placard, we'll be able to park even closer, but for today I told Gary to think of it as "push practice." Since it was only about a block, through parking lots, it was an easier push than he'd had to do in the groups at Shepherd.

On the way into the building, we ran into Kevin Phelps, who greeted Gary. Chris Rodger was going up the stairs at the time, and he waved to me through the glass, then shortly after that, as we came off the elevator, we met him in the hall and exchanged a few words before he had to dash off to class. We also ran into Pete Johnson and spoke to him as we made our way to the math office, and Gary also spoke to Ming Liao.

Also on the way to the office, we had to pass through some glass doors that Michel had been worried might be too difficult for Gary to get through. Gary managed to do so, however, saying that though they weren't trivial, being a little heavy, it was nothing he hadn't encountered before.

Gary had lost his keys to his office in the accident, so he needed someone from the main office to let him in. He planned to ask one of the secretaries, but Michel Smith was there, and he accompanied us to Gary's office to open it up for Gary (on our way, Michel said to me, "So, what would you like to teach?" When I laughed he said he was only half-kidding, that if I wanted to teach, it could be arranged; I didn't take him up on it – I’ll spend my spare time writing :-)). When we got to the office, Gary noted with approval the straightening up that Brad Bailey had done for him. The next order of business was checking out the desk. It turned out Gary couldn't get his knees under it. Michel told him there was a wooden table on the second floor that might work, so we went to check it out. Gary also couldn't get under that, but Michel figured it could be modified. Upon returning to Gary's office, Michel had the thought that if the middle desk drawer were removed, Gary could fit under the desk. That turned out to be the case. But Gary said that he wasn’t sure the desk would be better, that he needed to think about how to best rearrange the office so he would have the most accessible space, and then he’ll decide whether he wants to keep the desk or use that table. As Michel left, Gary again thanked him for all he had done.

Gary's graduate student Asli Gulderdek dropped by, and she and he talked about her courses and schedule. Later, Gary's new student from Italy, Santino Spadaro, stopped in, and they talked about the courses and the mathematics Santino has been doing. While they were talking, Pat Goeters poked his head in and said Gary had just missed a Graduate Council meeting. Pat wasn’t seriously suggesting Gary should have been there, but Gary asked if the plan was for he himself to again be on the committee (Pat had taken Gary’s place after the accident). Pat said he thought it was, and Gary said he’d go to the next meeting, assuming it was in approximately a month.

Someone I’ve never met, Nedret Billor, also poked her head in during this time to welcome Gary back. (I hope I haven’t forgotten anyone by the time this entry is over.)

After Santino left, Gary decided to check out the accessibility of the second-floor bathroom. I automatically started to go with him to check it out too, and we laughed about that. At Shepherd, it is common to see women in the men’s bathroom, but we figured the students in the math building probably weren’t ready for that.

So off he went, and I got on his computer to start drafting this blog entry – and ended up telling a dozen students where the heck room 319 was (you’d think in a math department the numbering of the rooms would be a little more logical ;-)). A little while later, Phil Zenor popped in to say hi to me, saying Gary had told him I was up here (Gary was down in Phil’s office – I forgot to ask him who else was there with him). Phil commented that Gary looked great, that if he weren’t in the wheelchair one would never be able to tell he was in such a bad accident (Phil had seen Gary on May 2nd, back when Gary was in the Birmingham ICU). Phil said he was surprised that Gary had come back to school so soon after our return, and I said Gary had been eager to get back to the math department. Just then the man himself wheeled in, and after a bit more conversation, Phil took his leave. Gary then said he was ready to go home (it was about three-thirty). I asked him how he felt, if he was tired. He said no, he felt good, that he was excited to be back in the math department – but added he might feel tired by the time we got home (though he didn’t).

On our way out of the building we had to go through those glass doors again. I let Gary try this direction himself too; it took a little maneuvering, but he did it. After we got through, I realized we’d had an audience of students sitting along the wall behind us. I asked Gary if it was okay that I hadn’t helped him with the door. He said sure. I mentioned the students. He said they’d probably been thinking, “She’s right behind him and she’s not helping – what a bitch.” We laughed, and he added, “That’s okay – they don’t know the situation.”

On the way home we made a stop at the health food store, needing more laundry detergent and food – we’re not used to Gary having his lunches at home, which means we’re not used to planning on what he should eat at that time and what supplies to lay in. In the store, I talked to the manager while loading up my basket and discovered she had found out about the accident a few days after it’d happened. She told me that someone had come in (she didn’t remember who), talking about the accident and saying how I would fall apart. She had told the person, no, I wouldn’t. The person protested that I wasn’t well myself. But the manager insisted that I would get through it. Fortunately she was right. I haven’t thought about that in a while, how I was so worried that first month that I might crash. I believe it’s fair to say I’ve ended up stronger than I started, though I still don’t want to tempt fate (or CFS flare-ups) by taking on more than I am. Coincidentally, Gary said to me at bedtime, hours after I wrote the above, that I really had risen to the occasion, just as the store manager had said to him when I wasn’t there, explaining that he meant that at the time of the accident I could hardly do anything because of my back, but now I was tossing him around like a sack of potatoes (grin); I do wish, however, my back symptoms had cleared up – I still can’t sit for any length of time without tingling down my butt and leg).

I had suggested to the manager that she go out and talk to Gary while I checked out, which she did. When I came to the car they were talking about the intersection where the accident had happened – she knew a family that had been in a bad wreck there, everyone in the family hurt, the woman in a cast for months; she’d also heard of other accidents at the same place. Gary said he planned to do something about trying to get a light put in at that intersection.

The manager then looked over at me and said to Gary, “She’s a strong woman.” Gary said, “She is. She pushes me. Makes me do my exercises.” The manager said to him, “You need that. It really is tough love. Tough for the person giving it, and tough for the person receiving it.”

Well, I don’t know how tough it is to give it – I can be pretty bossy ;-). No, actually, the hard part is not wanting him to get mad at me when I suggest he do certain things. But he never has, probably because I do know he has limits – if he says he’s too tired to do something himself, I believe him and help him or do it myself.

Anyway, the manager’s words made me feel good, lifted my spirits. I like my strokes ;-). As you know, I am not strong enough to do this on my own without broadcasting what has been going on. This makes me worry a bit about ending the blog, since I imagine it won’t be all that long until I haven’t got all that much to say (at least, not until Day Program and driving school, etc.). I’m sure it won’t keep your interest if all I have to report is stuff like, “Tonight, Gary (and, unavoidably, Tigger) had chicken.” (Speaking of which, tonight we prepared Bombay curry with potatoes, carrots, and garbanzo beans ;-).)

The manager’s parting words to us were that if there was ever anything from the store we needed and we just couldn’t get out to get it, she would bring it to us! I then drove us home, where we discovered that our new garage doors were up – both the side and the front. They also painted the garage this morning, and it is looking really nice! When we entered the house, Blackjack ran off – he still is scared by the moving wheelchair. Gary voiced the thought that maybe he should take Norma’s suggestion and smear himself with tunafish – though I’m thinking that may attract every cat in the neighborhood EXCEPT Blackjack.

During dinner Gary brought up the day’s events again, saying it’d been fun going to the math department, that it was so nice to be there after four months of being away.

So, a satisfying day all around!